ghxsts bio picture


Welcome to my blog!

Hello my name is: Icicle Audacity. All I see are ghxsts. I'm the misguided stride for self improvement - a sadistic, futuristic machine. A hollow cold emitted through vibrant lights, it’s a warm as wool winter but I’ve got a chill I can’t shake. This is what I am & I think I’m fine in my own misguidance. My bones are frozen, my marrow has turned to ice - my body is just a body, a corpse without a head. I'm just a vessel & my brain has long been dead.

Dylan McAmmond
En Vogue Photography

"That's really the only thing that matters to me, is that I make art for a living. And if I make art for a living... I win."

well being

I wish I could take a second step back from situations and see it from the outside-in, rather then my own point of view. Well, I guess everyone feels that way a good portion of the time. I just really don’t understand what most of you want, or want from me, or seem to think I want from you. (And if you think this about you, then it probably is… but I really hope you don’t think this is about YOU in the way that it might come across as.) On the other hand, I guess that’s a bit of a two-way street. The last few weeks I’ve cut a lot out of my life and made some important decisions. None of them that dramatic in the sense of any direct or noticeable outside outcome… but I can feel myself changing for the first time in too long. I feel like the last chunk of my life has been set to a stand still. A static pause void of any real emotion or reaction. That’s a pretty fucked up feeling. An absolute halt of reality that slowly slips downward every now and again, but never moving up, or forward. Not even enough progress to clump into the usual “one step forward, two steps back” cliche. Just slowly sinking. That’s so fucked up it’s almost beautiful.

“You can turn a phrase until it reads a million ways. It makes no sense but it’s as good as it is sad.” That about sums it up. And it works the same with anything else. You can twist and turn and flip direction within your life as much as you want, but at the end of the day it’s still your own and your own inhibitions and insecurities will still be there. Maybe slightly skewed, or better yet, masked… but until you really face them, when it’s all said and done they still exist within that small chunk of reality you call your life.

No one’s really sure of any-fucking-thing in their lives. We choose to believe in what we do but the only real standing evidence of it’s worth, or how “right” it is, is entirely based on ourselves. Throughout history the most proven sciences have been cast aside with the introduction of new concepts and ideas and are studied until once again “proven”… and the cycle continues. Progress is by definition, proving the previous “best means” (be it simply knowledge or a tangible object) and wiping it obsolete with the next. The difference between science and behavior is that, in regards to science, there’s no real individual conscience to convince “what’s right”. And when thought and emotion are broken down into simple math and chemical reaction… well, that’s just not a place I want to be. Everything is only proven until it’s proven wrong. I just need to roll with what I’ve got and believe in what I think is right.

I’m just trying to do what I think is right.

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