ghxsts bio picture

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

Welcome to my blog!

Hello my name is: Icicle Audacity. All I see are ghxsts. I'm the misguided stride for self improvement - a sadistic, futuristic machine. A hollow cold emitted through vibrant lights, it’s a warm as wool winter but I’ve got a chill I can’t shake. This is what I am & I think I’m fine in my own misguidance. My bones are frozen, my marrow has turned to ice - my body is just a body, a corpse without a head. I'm just a vessel & my brain has long been dead.

Dylan McAmmond
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"That's really the only thing that matters to me, is that I make art for a living. And if I make art for a living... I win."

dilute & collapse

All we are is a watered-down version of something we think is love. If I fly, you fly. If I laugh, you laugh. If I fall, stay where you are.

no peace of mind

Earthbreaking shouts internalised, show me something real. The feeling of a heart dripping through the cracks sings, and you keep calling but the seaside gusts pull your voice from your throat, and it doesn’t sound like words anymore, just wishes.

We’re like barnacles, holding fast to the rocks as wave after wave of everything that could kill us envelops us. and we’re caught in the salt like two canker sores, clutching for dear life so that we can live again.

Ocean crystals might claw toward the clouds, and these gales make us realize that we can only hold on to nothing, nothing and hastily hidden untruths for so long before we’ve got to let go.

I’ll slip under the sea and watch as this ethereal, alien world I’m in shifts from every shade of green to the one and only black. Maybe I will
cut gills into my neck, or maybe I will  break wings through my skin, or maybe I can be something real.

But you, you just fasten your seatbelt and sit on your fingers, break that grip and let that wind steal your breath. Stop thinking such fracturing thoughts and feel, really feel that heart  beat-beat-beating your ribs black and  blue, from the love whistling through.

You’re alive, you’re more alive than I could even dream to be.

OCEAN IS…

Tell me how you do that crazy trick where you walk around asleep.

Each through is repetition, watch as I put this rhyme in ignition. Starting to understand this time and why we livin’. Though I could never get why this seems to be it – each lesson helps us grow but oh they cut us so. This ignorance is bliss but you keep tellin me somethin’ new, somethin’ that I missed. And I just don’t know if I can take much more of this, each time it comes around it’s like a kiss – waiting for it to end with it’s: Endlessness. I could never choose between the two, what works for me may not work for you.

We’re deaf when it comes to the thick of it, the spark of the problems is already lit.

seppuku

Spot that look on my face.

convalescence

I am on a constant search for something that I can’t even begin to understand. An ever-present anxiety that bears no direct purpose but a burden on my conscience. Well, that’s not entirely true. By that I mean in the back of my mind I think it’s entirely clear to me, but I don’t think I want to accept it, for whatever reason that might be. I am in constant conflict with my thoughts and my own conscious acceptance. That’s the real problem. I try to kid myself into recognizing what’s real and what I wish could be real, or vice versa.

I will never understand why I allow myself to tear myself in two.

“And to reflect is to regret – throwing it all away and apathy my one way street, it took so much from me. Separated by this divide I created through my fears and in your tears you tried to show blind eyes and tell deaf ears. If we can make it through the landslide standing, we’ll lift each other up to see the bliss on the horizon. Been looking in from the outside lately, I’ve seen who I used to be and it’s not me. I just want to take you where our time won’t waste anymore, through the mountains on the water we’ll stay engulfed in one another. And when I can wake up to see the sunrise in you eyes then we’ll finally be free and I’ll know I’ve made it home.  So lets go out west and bask in the overcast and walking through the rain we’ll see the beauty in life again”

I’m in a comfortable limbo of being neither here, nor there, but I think it’s starting to piece together.


PROJECT: MAYHEM

Waking up in a foreign bed to the lines of light through heavy snow, and the sound of heavy breathing. Another uneasy morning in another cursed town only hoping to make sense of what is and what might not be what it seems.

I swallow heavy past the lump in my throat with the thought of the grave remains of a hopeful thought and an unparallel want.

An awkward city that could become an awkward home.

A hopeful wish that could rip me, torn.

MMM MMM GOOD

I got tha tastiest name in town, no one can keep it outta’ their mouth.

“Finally someone let me outta my cage – now time for me is nothin’ cuz I’m countin’ no age.”

night prowler

Now here’s where you change  – take a second step back from me. A life lived in hate , now fall back to reality.

Since when did growing up mean fucking up?

I got big dreams & a cold heart but when you never learnt to live life teaches lessons hard – but, I’ll stay the same.

The snow’s melting, the world’s changing & maybe for once something in my life will stick.

There was a time these vultures could guard you but now I walk your streets to catch you between breaths – throw a fist to break the ice, cut grudge into your smile. Sleepless nights, nine lives too short.

Times change, people fade.

Dead last in the race.

strobe

It took more than what you thought to be something less than what you wanted. Now you’re missing out, and that’s not my fault, but, as they say I guess there’s always a silver lining, even in the worst of times. They tell you to remember the good, not the bad; they say a lot of things. It’s hard, it’s sad, but it’s a part of life to lose something, and a part of life that you won’t ever forget.

You took those bullets of shame like a pat on the back. One to your heart and one to your head.

GET SOME

WIN SOME…
LOSE SOME.
LIVE SOME…
LEARN SOME.

within you, without you

We do not respond to what is real,  we respond to what we perceive.  Change our perceptions & we will change our responses – sometimes our perceptions are almost identical to what is real.  Sometimes our perceptions are far afield of what is real:  The truth remains, we respond only to what we perceive.

How can we respond if we haven’t perceived something?

danse avec les fantômes

Dry and dusty – dust shot into shallow atmosphere at the dancing feet of dancing men. Women’s skin embraced by in sporadic inundations of dust, dust, dust. Dew sweat together on foreheads and creates mud masks – sinister; & it’s as innocent as the day we were born.

We wash our faces in the lake & all that is left is dancing bodies.

We stepped from the starlit reflections of a ponderous river, into darkness & certainty. Where all that fell to our sight was already known to us & our children. Our footsteps left marks that would be known when the morning light came. We brought our chorea to our bed & we sank to sleep – now my mind is loose.

Grande monstres dévorent les os: l’amour.

“I can never be what I wanna be, nothing but a man – nothings evil inside of me, nothing I can understand. If I try; so I try to get a grip, a hold, a handle, a hand.”