ghxsts bio picture


Welcome to my blog!

Hello my name is: Icicle Audacity. All I see are ghxsts. I'm the misguided stride for self improvement - a sadistic, futuristic machine. A hollow cold emitted through vibrant lights, it’s a warm as wool winter but I’ve got a chill I can’t shake. This is what I am & I think I’m fine in my own misguidance. My bones are frozen, my marrow has turned to ice - my body is just a body, a corpse without a head. I'm just a vessel & my brain has long been dead.

Dylan McAmmond
En Vogue Photography

"That's really the only thing that matters to me, is that I make art for a living. And if I make art for a living... I win."

sneak preview

from today:

more to come! =)

Tytia - this is really beautiful......October 23, 2010 - 6:19 pm

Ash - love this picture! they turned out so good!November 13, 2010 - 11:24 am

untold dreams

We went through thick and thin, came out separate on the other end. Each day gets a little less intense, no longer feel like the skins standin’ on my chest. You made me more me, and I won’t forget the times you helped my find my feet when I was buried in my head.

buried in my head

What do you do when what you once thought would make you happy, and the person you once were finally shines through too late? What do you do when what you’ve stove to be for the longest time is no longer what it once seemed it would be, and what you once were is already a million miles away. When all your past wants come into reality only to kill the person you once were at a point of no return.

What do you do when you spiral out into what you no longer want, and what you can no longer handle, without an ounce of self control or conscience?

What do you do when everything comes crashing down and for the first time it feels like you really are alone to clear the rubble?

…When the practice run is really over and the sun really sets this time.

What do you do when everything you know, becomes everything you knew, and everything you have, becomes everything you had?

I remember a girl named hope… but I’ll never hold her in my arms again.

well being

I wish I could take a second step back from situations and see it from the outside-in, rather then my own point of view. Well, I guess everyone feels that way a good portion of the time. I just really don’t understand what most of you want, or want from me, or seem to think I want from you. (And if you think this about you, then it probably is… but I really hope you don’t think this is about YOU in the way that it might come across as.) On the other hand, I guess that’s a bit of a two-way street. The last few weeks I’ve cut a lot out of my life and made some important decisions. None of them that dramatic in the sense of any direct or noticeable outside outcome… but I can feel myself changing for the first time in too long. I feel like the last chunk of my life has been set to a stand still. A static pause void of any real emotion or reaction. That’s a pretty fucked up feeling. An absolute halt of reality that slowly slips downward every now and again, but never moving up, or forward. Not even enough progress to clump into the usual “one step forward, two steps back” cliche. Just slowly sinking. That’s so fucked up it’s almost beautiful.

“You can turn a phrase until it reads a million ways. It makes no sense but it’s as good as it is sad.” That about sums it up. And it works the same with anything else. You can twist and turn and flip direction within your life as much as you want, but at the end of the day it’s still your own and your own inhibitions and insecurities will still be there. Maybe slightly skewed, or better yet, masked… but until you really face them, when it’s all said and done they still exist within that small chunk of reality you call your life.

No one’s really sure of any-fucking-thing in their lives. We choose to believe in what we do but the only real standing evidence of it’s worth, or how “right” it is, is entirely based on ourselves. Throughout history the most proven sciences have been cast aside with the introduction of new concepts and ideas and are studied until once again “proven”… and the cycle continues. Progress is by definition, proving the previous “best means” (be it simply knowledge or a tangible object) and wiping it obsolete with the next. The difference between science and behavior is that, in regards to science, there’s no real individual conscience to convince “what’s right”. And when thought and emotion are broken down into simple math and chemical reaction… well, that’s just not a place I want to be. Everything is only proven until it’s proven wrong. I just need to roll with what I’ve got and believe in what I think is right.

I’m just trying to do what I think is right.

by the throat

The snow won’t melt, smoke won’t clear – Turned hope inside out a thousand times tryin’ to see if it was ever anything more than dressed up fear, but the two go hand in hand you can’t have one without the other bein’ there.

r.i.p eydea

biochemical equation

I feel like my heart’s playing to the tune of a slow beat and my brain is just so, so, so hungry but can’t feed on any knowledge other than what it’s already previously fed on, digested, re-thought and built itself, it’s morals, and it’s concept of reality with.

Starvation is an art form in it’s own… But so is the the satisfaction of hunger.

The latter just happens to be easier for a simple mind and a half-hearted heart.

And, please don’t ever let your heart settle for anything less. You’re one of those few people out there who “gets it”. Unfortunately usually when you realize what you “get” is the fact that you have no tangible understanding of “it”, but the capacity to feel it is the most beautiful thing in the world in itself.

“I hope to god I figure out what is wrong”

I hope that for myself, I find something to believe in that allows me to never forcibly believe in something I know is nothing more than a lie through my teeth and the world around me.

The second most people find hope is the second they’ve given up on it.

Most people never love or allow themselves to be loved. Most people will never do something without the expectancy of receiving something for their actions. Most people will never think past the point of retaining and re-using information… never manipulating or re-evaluating.

I want to burn down the churches and burn down the schools. I want to burn down the offices and burn down the halls. I want to burn down the factories and burn down the conveniently located commercial outlets; vendors of heartless, lifeless goods that evoke a false sense of emotion through consumption and the exchange of dollar bills and shiny metal coins. I want to love and be loved. I want to feel and smile and hurt and cry. I want to burn down humanity and sweat and kiss and look just one person in the eye and feel them, and appreciate them, and connect with them and fuck the apocalypse away.

Everything that’s right is wrong, and up is down, and forward is backward, and love is tension, and hate is passion.

The whole race has been on a race to the finish and there’s no end in sight.

I want a reason to wake up in the morning. I want a reason to stay up all night.

The second you lose hope is the second you strive to really find it.

be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one

So now it’s in the air and in my breath. I can taste it in my spit. Through my veins and in my lungs, my heart, my sight. I feel it like instinct and re-think it like reason. And when was the last time I looked at the sky? The stars? The sun, or the moon? It makes me sick to my stomach that before the last leaf wept from green, to yellow, to orange, I didn’t even take the time to appreciate a single one. Not one. Not even for a minute, not even for a second.

Write out the wrongs.

Everyone’s an animal. We’re glamorized livestock with more brights than a highway, and more right than the ninetieth degree… right? You’ve got more ammunition than ambition but who the fuck am I kidding? So do I. But, my brain fires rounds like a rifle and you wouldn’t know a sin from a sign if it hit you like a train wreck. I will never know what I’m looking for, or maybe I gave up trying to find it. “No, I don’t know. But… You know I’m right, right?”. I felt you like a car crash.


Jonas (Americanvirus) - Gawd!! I love this!!October 9, 2010 - 1:50 pm

skull split wide

I am the misguided stride for self-improvement. A lonely, sad, sadistic, futuristic machine. A hollow cold emitted through vibrant lights.
You’d always look me in the eyes, from left to right to feel me twice and I’d watch you while you’d cry. Kill Consequence, she’s quite the catch, but leaves too soon to say goodbye. Cast your shadow across my back. Just hit me once, just fucking hit me once as hard as you can. I swear to all I’ll appreciate what you can’t see, what you’ll never feel, or think or taste. Broken tooth, to broken teeth. Broken smile, you smile back at me. It’s a warm as wool winter but I’ve got a chill I can’t shake. Hello my name is: Icicle Spine.
This is what I am. And I think I’m fine in my own misguidance. I think I’m fine, I think I’m fine, I will be mine, I’ll try this time. I will be mine. I think I’m fine. My bones are frozen, my marrow’s turned to ice. My body’s just a body, a corpse without a head. And I am just a vessel, my brain has long been dead.

same old me, same old you

Sometimes I’m shocked at how much you can learn about yourself from those around you. I spent today in a half-life state between spending time and killing it. A jumbled balance of that sense of being lost in thought and trapped in stillness – like being lost on a map. That’s where I am right now… lost on a map.

words cannot explain…